Tag Archives: michael bay

Movie Review: Transformers: The Last Knight

Before I dive into things, I want to say, I’ve really enjoyed Michael Bay‘s first Transformers film with the subsequent three each being a bit worse for wear. None of it is high brow action but each film has its own charm in their own way. So, going into Transformers: The Last Knight I expected much of the same, a film that I could turn my brain off and enjoy and maybe be a little surprised with a tease of the Hasbro extended universe. Almost 2.5 hours later I was angry and wanted my money back. I saw the movie for free at a press screening. I still wanted my money back.

The gist of the story is confusing and all over the place smashing together numerous conceps we’ve seen in the comics and animated series, all of which were done better there. The story basically has Optimus floating in space where he comes across Cybertron and learns it is a dead planet. It can survive but to do so it must suck the energy from Earth. On Earth, Transformers are landing more and more each day seeking refuge from the destroyed Cybertron. We’re never fully explained what happened or why they’re fleeing but everyone is getting the hell out of dodge. And, the people of Earth aren’t fans of that. They’ve formed a new defense force to stop the Transformer threat, hunting them and their collaborators down. Throw in some weird history involving the Knights of the Round Table and you’ve got a story that has too many ideas and not enough focus.

What’s clear early on in the film that I’m not their target audience. Transformers: The Last Knight is aimed for the kids and that’s quite evident from the young kids who kick off the movie to the various character recruited including baby Transformers (what now!?) and new ones that make the stereotypes of the last few films look outright progressive. Everything about this film screams poorly thought out and focused on one goal, to sell shit.

Part of that “poorly thought out” is the lack of focus. The comedy that has existed in previous films is more front and center with a greater spin on purile humor. Instead of Bumblebee urinating on someone, we instead have Grimlock eating a car being scolded and slobber flying all over (and when did green liquid become such a thing!?).

But the biggest shame of it all, I didn’t care about any of it. Megatron’s henchmen are so bad and I was so annoyed by their existence that I thought their being dispatched was a mercy killing for the audience. Plot lines are started and stopped with details dropped all the time. Grimlock and the Dinobots begin a battle then the scene shifts and we don’t hear about them for the rest of the film. Megatron heads to England but we don’t see him until the last segment of the film, his travels ignored. The big reveal about Earth is brought up getting fans excited but is then dropped until the end teasing us Transformers 6. A medalion searches for the right wearer and a Transformer has it but it’s never explained why that Transformer has it or where it came from. Character randomly change outfits in between scenes. The ending that just leaves things in a way that makes what’s to come baffling. I could go on and on about the failures of the film.

Bay’s entire film is one “gag” scene setting up the next with a plot loosley added to create a narrative that makes absolutely no sense. It also has no real vision either. There’s ample opportunity to tease G.I. Joe, ROM, and even M.A.S.K. to create some excitement and set things up to come in the anticipated Hasbro connected movie universe. At least that would have been something. Instead, every opportunity is squandered.

The actors too seem to phone it in. Mark Wahlberg seems both annoyed at what he’s doing and in to it all. Anthony Hopkins… I have no idea what Bay has on the actor to do what he did. Josh Duhamel returns… Laura Haddock plays a British Megan Fox. The 16 year old Isabela Moner is sexed up to creepy levels that left me the viewer uncomfortable. About the only entertainment is Jerrod Carmichael who pops in and out of it all as to serve as a prop for the next “gag” or to deliver some humorous line. The actors who got to provide their voices were the lucky ones as they don’t have to have their faces associated with this film, just sullying their voices instead.

I feel like the entire film can be summed up by a line delivered by the talented Tony Hale whose character is “JPL Engineer.” He seriously states, “I believe in science.” That’s quality writing there.

The movie is bad in almost every way. The writing. The action. The humor. The length. I struggle to find any redeeming quality other than the fact it exists to be made fun of.

With so many other quality films in the theater right now, there’s little reason to see this one. This is one of the worst films I’ve seen in my life. That’s not an exageration. I was angry when I left the theater. If this is a sign of things to come, please don’t! I can’t recommend the movie at all. Spend your money and time elsewhere.

Overall Rating: 1.0

 

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Grimlock Reviews Transformers: The Last Knight

Three years ago, unable to cope with the awfulness that was the last Transformers movie, I outsourced my review to Grimlock, King of the Dinobots. Feeling similarly stricken and unable to comment on what I’ve just seen, I again phoned my old pal and asked him to help me review this one.

Me Grimlock, angry about new Transformers movie.

Michael Bay take hundreds of millions of dollars and blow them up and still make it look boring! Why can you no make Transformers fun?

Grimlock fun. Dinobots fun. Grimlock only in movie for five minutes. Decepticons attack Autobots in abandoned junkyard in Badlands, North Dakota. Dinobots there! Dinobots can fight! But no– Michael Bay move action to abandoned small town. Somehow ghost town in North Dakota have two giant art deco skyscrapers. Why? What small town is this? And why heroes going there? And why they go up into building to flee Decepticons? So Marky Mark Wahlberg can fall out of giant elevator? Even Grimlock with small brain understand that dumb.

This movie have more plotholes than explosions. And it have lots of explosions! They just not fun.

And no think Grimlock just sour grapes he not in movie. You know who else not in movie much? Optimus Prime. Why?!?! Me King Grimlock, but me know fan favorite and franchise leader! Why no Prime? When Prime fight in finale, it good movie. But stupid movie decide that it better for Prime to be on Cybertron most of movie, and then somehow he tricked into being bad guy when he come back? Grimlock small dinobot brain, but even Grimlock know that super dumb.

Everyone in movie dumb. No one smart. Even smart English people like Anthony Hopkins not smart. He what stupid person think smart person is. And me Grimlock know what stupid people think. He also have Transformer butler, played by Jim Carter— he also butler on Downton Abbey. He and Anthony Hopkins best part of movie, and they try to have fun, but it just not enough. Michael Bay make Grimlock hate Downton Abbey. Grimlock will murder Michael Bay for this.

Hopkins tells everyone Merlin and King Arthur work with Transformers, make secret society that protect secret of Transformers on Earth. That dumb. Everyone look for Merlin staff because it actually Transformer powerful object that can restore Cybertron, but would kill Earth. Who care?!? It big space macguffin. So is “important” talisman Marky Mark find. It not important. Just stupid. Movie need actual plot.

In other Transformer movie, at least there some big action scene that fun. Nothing fun here. Only stupid. Only explosion. It not offensive same way Stepin Fetchit robots were in Revenge of the Fallen, or ruin childhood like Leonard Nimoy in Dark of the Moon. Those movies aggressively bad. But this also not have anything good in it. Boring. Need more Dinobots. Needs more Optimus Prime.

Grimlock want his two and a half hours back.

1 star out of 5

Transformers: The Last Knight Gets an IMAX Featurette

A new video has been released discussing how Michael Bay and the Transformers films have worked with IMAX and the importance of the franchise to IMAX.

There’s also some interesting info in some groundbreaking work that’s being done and some new footage!

Transformers: The Last Knight hits theaters in 2017!

Drift Returns in Transformers: The Last Knight with a New Look

Michael Bay has shown off what the car form of Drift will look like in the next Transformers installment, Transformers: The Last Knight.

The character will now be a red-and-black Mercedes Benz AMG GT R. In Transformers: Age of Extinction he was a black-and-blue Bugatti Veyron.

Drift and the rest of the Transformers will be seen in theaters June 23, 2017.

Photograph by Andrew Cooper.

Photograph by Andrew Cooper.

Transformers 5, 6, and 7 Get Theatrical Release Dates

At Hasbro’s Analyst Presentation this morning during Toy Fair, Hasbro Chairman, President and CEO Brian Goldner announced new details about the next three films in the multi-billion dollar global franchise.

In partnership with Paramount, the writers’ room assembled by Hasbro’s Allspark pictures has their stories down and are beginning development on the next three theatrical films.

  • In 2017, Michael Bay will direct the next chapter of the Transformers films, with Mark Wahlberg returning to star. That film is slated for release on June 23.
  • On June 8, 2018, a new film is being developed which will tell the never before heard story of Bumblebee.
  • A third new film will continue the story of Hasbro’s iconic franchise which is scheduled for release on June 28, 2019.

Who’s ready for some more Transformers?

transformers featured

Review: Hollywood Zombie Apocalypse #1

hza-covIt seems with Zenescope and the concepts that they come up with that they either hit it out of the park or they strike out swinging.  In the short history of their publishing it is rare enough that they get something that is in the middle ground of quality, but this is one of those rare entries.  It takes an interesting enough variation of the zombie genre and mixes in some jabs at popular culture, including a lot of whom the writers seem to not give much credit to.  Those that tire of Tom Cruise’s scientology antics, those who can’t comprehend the Beliebers or those that don’t like Michael Bay (which is everyone?) will both find a bit of vicarious satisfaction here.  So too does this issue pay homage to the Avengers, especially if the Avengers were played by Tom Cruise, Dwayne Johnson, Bryan Cranston and Selena Gomez.

Unlike some of Zenescope’s other properties, this series is meant to be firmly tongue-in-cheek and so although the humour is often groan-inducing, it also doesn’t really feel out-of-place.  The microbiotic-food-obessed starlets (one of whom is presumably supposed to be Megan Fox?) are a caricature of life in Los Angeles and exemplify some usual stereotypes, but at the same time there is not much wrong with that.  I don’t live in L.A. and so I can’t comment as to whether stars are really so vapid, but it is at least the pop culture cliché and so while it feels a bit forced here, it also works at the same time.

The sum of all these parts is something that doesn’t really work, but doesn’t really fail at the same time.  To be certain there is a lot better that this company puts out, but also a lot worse.  Seeing as this is stuck somewhere in between it might be of interest to those looking for a lighter take on the zombie genre, or just those that are a little tired of pop culture deciding what is popular.  At the same time, I can’t really recommend this, because of its faults and because so many other regular ongoing series from all the various companies bypass this in quality.   I suppose in the end that anyone that is interested in this and picks it up is not going to be losing a lot of money seeing as it is already halfway through the series.

Story: Ralph Tedesco and Joe Brusha Art:  David Lorenzo Riveiro
Story: 6.5 Art: 7.0 Overall: 6.8 Recommendation: Pass

Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles First Trailer

The first trailer for the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has been released and it’s…. interesting…

The movie comes to theaters August 8, 2014.

Around the Tubes

It’s new comic books day, what’s everyone getting?

Around the Blogs:

Bleeding Cool – Dan DiDio Celebrates His Ten Years As A DC Comics ExecutiveUm, congrats…

FirstShowing.net – Michael Bay Confirms New TMNT Film Simply Called ‘Ninja Turtles’Are you fucking kidding me?

News & Record – Greensboro: Comic Book City, USA? – This is something I wish I could be at.

Around the Tubes

It’s Friday, which means the weekend is here!  Yay!

Around the Blogs:

Bleeding Cool – Peter Laird Speaks Up On Bay’s Alien Ninja TurtlesSome honesty in there.

Bleeding Cool – Kevin Eastman’s Rather Different Take On Michael Bay’s Mutant Alien Turtle PlansNot shocked on this statement.

PC Mag – Pow! Amazon Pushes More Comics to Kindle Android App – Think I need to check this out.

Around the Tubes Reviews:

CBR – Amazing Spider-Man #682

Ely Standard – Batman Versus Bane

CBR – Prophet #23

IGN – Comic Book Reviews for 3/21/12

Paste Magazine – Comic Book & Graphic Novel Round-Up (3/21/12)

Save the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles From Michael Bay.

Yesterday we reported that Michael Bay has decided to re-envision the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in his new movie as aliens which kind of kills the whole mutant part.  We were stumped, a bit perplexed and also now convinced us that Bay has an alien fetish.  Devin Norris has taken to Change.org to petition to save the Turtles and return them to the mutants we grew up with.  The goal is 10,000 signatures.

Norris pleads:

If you care about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or the sheer audacity of this ridiculous man enrages you like it does me, then PLEASE sign. If this movie is made there will sequels, spin-off shows, and toys. This blight on our childhood WILL endure if we let it.

Bay has responded to the outrage on his forum.

Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.

Michael

Take action now!  Damn the man.  Save the Turtles!

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