Author Archives: Andy Wilson

The Top 25 Fictional Presidents

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Happy Presidents’ Day!

With everyone else running their lists of the top Presidents and the worst and because our current occupant of the Oval Office is, ahhem, how do I put it?

JLW79

Quite right. So, we thought we’d bring you the list of the top fictional Presidents to help us set our sights higher.

Let’s start with a couple of honorable mentions. While they didn’t make the top list, it’s worth noting that Roy Schieder, James Cromwell, and Bruce Greenwood have all played presidents multiple times. Because when someone says, “We need a President—who’s an actor who exudes gravitas?” the obvious answer is the guy who blew up Jaws, Farmer Hoggett, and. . .well, Bruce Greenwood. Robert Rodriguez also seems to like to cast random people as presidents in his movies, including George Clooney in Spy Kids and Charlie Sheen as the most hilariously named fictional president ever, “President Rathcock,” in Machete Kills.

And with that, I present to you, the Top 25 Fictional Presidents of all time

25. Stephen Colbert / President Hathaway — Marvel Comics/Monsters vs. Aliens played by Stephen Colbert.

Because the Executive Producer of Our Cartoon President has also been. . . a cartoon president. Specifically, a president who decides that the best way to attack aliens is with monsters. This film was genius and I never quite understood why it didn’t take off more.

Colbert ASM variant cover

Also, we should always remember that time in Marvel comics when Colbert (his persona as a loudmouth host of The Colbert Report, not his nicer, more mainstream self as host of The Late Show) ran as an independent, won the popular vote, and lost the Electoral College to Obama.

Losing the popular vote but being elected anyway? “Preposterous! Only in comic books!” you say? Sounds right.

Ok, so not exactly a president. But he’s right in that hall of almost presidents with Hillary Clinton, Al Gore and Samuel Tilden. And none of them got to team up with Spider-Man. (Yet.)

24. James Dale — Mars Attacks! played by Jack Nicholson.

Stealing a vibe from Dr. Strangelove and other b-movie alien invasion films, Nicholson is able to channel quite well the hapless president overwhelmed by alien invasion. My favorite is how he keeps believing the worst possible advice. For style, not for substance, you made the list.

23. Tom Beck — Deep Impact played by Morgan Freeman. Ok, I know he belongs on this list, but I get seriously confused about which asteroid movie this was? Oh, this was the one where the asteroid actually hits. Ok. Not with Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis. And was Morgan Freeman also the President in “Olympus Has Fallen”? Oh, no, that was Aaron Eckhart. Almost.

Anyway — Morgan Freeman. That is all.

doctorow wheaton22. Cory Doctorow / Wil Wheaton, Ready Player One. 

Are you ready for Ready Player One?

With the movie coming in just a few weeks, hype is in full gear. Worth noting, in Ernest Cline’s book that the film is based off of, it mentioned the very real people Cory Doctorow and Wil Wheaton had been elected president and vice-president of the Oasis, the giant online system everyone uses for games, education, second life. At this point, who controlled the Oasis was far more important than who was actually president, as the real world really sucked.

Real people, fake product, fake presidents– but we could use more people like them in politics and fewer like, well, most of the people in charge these days.

21. Preston Rickard / Beth Ross, Prez from DC Comics

Kids elected president? We could do much worse. In this satire where future presidents are elected by Twitter because turnout is so low and kids are allowed to vote, somehow a social media star gets elected president. In the 2015 reboot, they even bring back the original Prez from the 1970’s. It’s great satire because our politics have literally gotten just that bad. You can read a more full review we ran here and also here, and here, and an interview with the writer here. A series that was cancelled too soon, maybe it will get rebooted again in another 40 years.

20. Thomas Whitmore, Independence Day played by Bill Pullman.

Ok, just watch that clip above. That’s the only reason why. Yeah, he flew a fighter jet to save the earth, but so what? Big summer movie speech– the biggest summeriest speechiest movie speech ever. And please try to forget that Independence Day 2 ever happened.

19. Vanellope Von Schweetz – Wreck-It Ralph played by Sarah Silverman. Upon being restored to her rightful place as Princess of Sugar Rush land, Vanellope decides to transition her government into a constitutional democracy and become President. Hey, it’s better than ordering the execution of Taffeta Muttonfudge and the others who were mean to her. For being a president who is able to give up supreme executive power in favor of giving it to the people, you made the list, Vanellope. Also, looking forward to your sequel and you possibly becoming. . . a Disney Princess?

18. Merkin Mufflin – Dr. Strangelove played by Peter Sellers. 

On this list if only for the classic line “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the war room!” And because Peter Sellers.

17. Zaphod Beeblebrox — The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Finally, a president whose narcissism rivals that of our own! Two heads, three arms, and the biggest idiot, he was elected president of the galaxy — a position which has no power and is only there to distract people from who’s really in charge. There are a lot of satirical presidents on this list, but this is one of the best. If he had Twitter, no doubt he’d be tweeting about being “a very stable genius” “despite all the negative press covfefe.” Also, the only president with his own music video (from the 2005 film starring Sam Rockwell as our president) — and he’s better looking, too.

16. President Skroob — Spaceballs played by Mel Brooks.

It’s good to be the king, er, president. Floozies. Unlisted walls. Nobody telling you your ass is so big. Your own canned air supply.

Too bad you run a civilization so dumb that it is running out of oxygen. (I’m betting Scott Pruitt runs Spaceballs’ EPA) But still, hail Skroob!

15. James Marshall — Air Force One played by Harrison Ford. “Get off of my plane!” That’s all you need to make the list. Also, James Marshall seems like a pretty good guy. He’s resourceful enough to contact his people and sabotage his own hijacked plane, he can speak Russian in remarks to the Russian government.

I always thought this was the “President Jack Ryan” movie that we never got (because, let’s face it, Debt of Honor and Executive Orders will never be made into movies) as a follow up to Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger. Plus, it’s Harrison Ford.

14. Richard Nixon’s head — Futurama played by Billy West. “NIXON’S BACK!!!” Disproving the adage that there are no second acts in politics, Nixon served as President of Earth for most of the run of Futurama, providing some awesome times along the way– brought to you by Shenkman’s Rubbing Compound and the great taste of Charleston Chew.

Corrupt, easy to anger, and also pretty stupid, it makes us almost forget how bad the actual Richard Nixon was. And it also seems pretty spot-on these days.

13. Jackson Evans – The Contender played by Jeff Bridges.

One of my personal and pet favorites, President Jackson Evans spends most of the film trying to outmaneuver a slimy and hypocritical Gary Oldman (the second time he’s been the villain on the list! Whaddya know?!?) to get a woman confirmed as his Vice President. Oh, and also trying to order the most ridiculous things from the White House kitchen staff to show them they’re unprepared. Jeff Bridges is also part of a family of presidential stars, including his father Lloyd Bridges president in Hot Shots Part Deux, and brother Beau Bridges as president three times in 10.5, its sequel 10.5 Apocalypse and an episode of Stargate SG-1.

12. Kang – The Simpsons played by Harry Shearer. When Kang and his sister Kodos take over as Bill Clinton and Bob Dole in the 1996 elections, it was only a matter of time before one of them became president. They were sure fire winners, especially with classy campaign rhetoric like: “Abortions for some, tiny American flags for others.” “My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball; but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!” When it was pointed out that they were aliens, Kodos pointed out it was a two party system. When some idiot said he would vote for a third party candidate, Kang sealed his place in history by saying “Go ahead– throw your vote away.” And that’s what make him so high on this list. Don’t like it? “Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.”

11. President Business – The Lego Movie played by Will Farrell. 

Both greed and conformity personified, President Business is perhaps the most subversive choice on this entire list. Most kids will never get the dystopian overtones, but if Gordon Gecko and Big Brother made a child out of Legos, this would be it.

Also, that awesome hat and those legs.

Those legs. 

Genius.

Also genius– you notice those are coffee mugs on his hat, right?

If only we’d heeded the warning of electing a “businessman” to be president. If Trump invited everyone to a Taco Tuesday, we know something evil is about to happen.

10. Lex Luthor – Superman.

Compared to the other villains on this list (and the current POTUS) who knew that Lex Luthor would be one of the least evil and least overt of the great villain presidents?

The best thing about Luthor as president (and always with Luthor) is he doesn’t think he’s the villain. He even gets the majority of America to agree with him. True genius. 

9. Leslie Knope – Parks and Recreation played by Amy Poehler. Ok, so she was never explicitly president on the show. But the show’s finale sure seemed to hint at it. And let’s be honest? She is exactly what we need right now.

Because unlike most of the rest of these dopes in the top 10, Leslie Knope embodies gumption and honesty and has yet to be corrupted by political power. And we hope she never does. We love you, Leslie Knope.

Knope/Swanson 2020.

8. Lisa Simpson – The Simpsons played by Yeardley Smith. 

Speaking of competent, smart, earnest women who could take over the presidency in a heartbeat. . . .

This is the clip everyone knows where The Simpsons predicted President Trump and a huge debt crisis because of his policies. But what we can hope for is the next occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue will have the intelligence and empathy of Lisa Simpson. I’m not so sure about Secretary of the Treasury Milhouse Van Houten, though. I guess if (Producer of Suicide Squad) Steve Mnuchin can do it. . .

7. Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Comacho — Idiocracy played by Terry Crews. 

The smartest president in the not-too-distant-future (and Cassandra-like warning of our current administration), President Comacho was wise enough to let his Secretary of the Interior, Not Sure, put water from the toilet on the crops, even though we all know plants crave the electrolyes in Brawndo, the thirst mutilator. Also, he’s a champion wrestler, and who doesn’t want that in the White House?

Dave Kevin Kline Sigourney Weaver

6. Dave Kovic impersonating President Bill Mitchell — Dave played by Kevin Kline. 

In the second-greatest Ivan Reitman film of all time, we get to see what would happen if we actually let a regular guy be president. And the answer is a not half-bad job. Dave’s jobs program makes sense to me, and his approach to trimming the budget to keep a homeless shelter open? Would that we could actually do that. While not the most accurate portrayal of Washington, it’s a version I wish we lived in and less like the real world Washington, which is more petty and full of incompetents — like Veep.

5. President Lindberg — The Fifth Element played by Tiny Lister.

As one of the many presidents on this list who have faced destruction of the planet, he handled it the best.

Because what every president should do when facing disaster in the 90’s? Throw Bruce Willis (in this case Corbin Dallas) at it. And perhaps the best part is where he gets yelled at by Corbin Dallas’s overbearing mother.

Wait. . . Gary Oldman’s the bad guy in this one, too! Definitely a pattern. . . and maybe a metaphor for this year’s Best Actor Oscar race, too.

4. David Palmer — 24 played by Dennis Haysbert.

Possibly the most badass of our top 5 presidents, David Palmer stood up to assassination attempts, terror attacks, and Kim getting menaced by a cougar (ok, so not that last one).  He was also the only guy who seemed to be able to control Jack Bauer, which probably qualifies you to be on this list anyway. Also, a crazy murdery wife. And a competent brother who made a good president in his own right. But he was no David Palmer. Few people are.

2. [tie] Josiah “Jed” Bartlett/Andy Shepard — The West Wing/The American President played by Martin Sheen/Michael Douglas.

This is a tie because you can’t truly separate these two characters, as they both personify Aaron Sorkin’s idealized White House full of competent, well-meaning people. Yes, it’s a fantasy in itself. But it’s one we wish we had.

Still one of my favorite tv shows of all time and one of my favorite movies of all time. Also, I think it’s time to reboot The West Wing. Sorkin said he’d reboot it with Sterling K. Brown as president, but I think we could do even better. Pitch: It’s the first two years of President Seaborn’s first term. Except President Seaborn is actually Sam’s wife, and she’s played by, oh, I dunno. . . Gina Torres, Eva Mendes, Eva Longoria, or Rosario Dawson.  Who’s with me?

Honorable mention here to President Santos, our first Latino fictional president.

1. Laura Roslin — Battlestar Galactica played by Mary McDonnell.

A lot of fictional presidents have faced down apocalyptic threats to Earth. Few of them have had to live on after the apocalypse.

Laura Roslin did that and more. Despite being completely unintentionally thrown into the presidency (she was a schoolteacher and Sec of Education before) she filled the role like few others could. And she held her own against Adama, against Tom Zarek, against those fraking cylons, and finally against cancer. She made mistakes along the way, but she rose to what she needed to do. And that is why she is the best. So say we all.

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So, who did we miss? There’s a couple intentionally left off here for very real, non fictional reasons, but if we missed your favorite, or think we rated someone too high or too low, let us know in the comments!

11 Things to Check Out Before Black Panther

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The hype is strong out of the Marvel Cinematic Universe‘s newest addition — and not without reason. While I am prohibited from revealing major plot points or spoilers from Black Panther, what I would like to provide is a sort of guide to what you’re getting into. Think of it like a wine and cheese pairing list to prepare your appetite before you go into see this next film.

1. Avengers: Age of Ultron / Captain America: Civil War.

The second one may seem obvious — it was the first time we saw Chadwick Boseman as T’Challa on screen, and it tells us at least a little bit about his home country of Wakanda. But we’re also introduced for the first time to Martin Freeman as Everett Ross, who shows up a lot in Black Panther. 

But many of us will have forgotten (or tried to forget?) that Andy Serkis showed up for about 10 minutes in Age of Ultron as Ullyses Klaue, a South African arms dealer who stole vibranium from Wakanda, which Ultron then took from Klaue, along with a sizeable portion of his arm. This becomes important, so it’s worth revisiting at least that scene from Age of Ultron, and then watching Civil War, because Civil War is just so. dang. good.

It’s also worth noting T’Challa’s character arc in the film, especially as it relates to him being on Team Iron Man. In Black Panther, we’re treated to seeing just how much he respects international law and being subject to the Sokovia Accords. . . which is not at all, as we first see him in the film running an operation outside of Wakanda’s borders to rescue a colleague.

Also, note the final scenes he’s in with Zemo, and with Cap and Bucky in Wakanda. Boseman’s character work and scripting is excellent here, and this carries over into our film here.

Oh, and anyone who felt teased by this scene where a Dora Milaje is about to throw down with Black Widow?

“As entertaining as that would be. . .” Well, we get that entertainment in Black Panther. And the wait is worth it.

2. An Encomium To The Black Experience: Why I Am Excited To See Black Panther

This article by our own Troy Powell is a must-read. This is an incredibly thoughtful take on why Black Panther’s vision of afro-futurism is refreshing and exciting. Just go read it. I’ll wait.

3. Fruitvale Station and Creed

Director Ryan Coogler‘s career so far has been pretty well entangled with that of actor Michael B. Jordan and it’s great to see Jordan stretch his wings as the villain of Black Panther, Eric Killmonger. The MCU has often been faulted for relatively weak on-screen villains, but Killmonger is a rare exception.

To see their first collaboration, go back to Coogler’s first film, Fruitvale Station, which he both wrote and directed. It tells the true story of Oscar Grant who was shot by a San Francisco Transit Officer on New Year’s Day in 2009. It’s a heartbreaking story of hope and tragedy, and a film which I first reviewed as being “the best and most important film of 2013 that everyone who truly needs to see it never will.”

Coogler followed this up with the most unlikely of films– the Rocky franchise reboot/sequel Creed, also starring Jordan as the son of Apollo Creed who seeks out the aging champ Balboa to train him. The single shot of the young Creed’s first fight is such a masterwork of filmmaking it’s worth the price of admission alone.

You add onto that really brilliant character work and an intense understanding of the franchise, and you can understand why Coogler was a great choice to take on the MCU. Coogler grows as a visual director, and it’s great to see his growth from a low budget film to a medium budget studio film to using Disney/Marvel money.

4. That Kendrick Lamar soundtrack

black panther soundtrackAnother common complaint about the MCU is lack of memorable music. And especially where the films have tried to pair up with popular music, results have been. . .  mixed. Yes, I love hearing Foo Fighters play Walk in the bar in Thor (and over the credits), but it doesn’t quite mesh with the film overall. And then you have Soundgarden playing some nonsense over the credits to The Avengers — in my mind, the only problem with that film at all. They should’ve just licensed a good Soundgarden song and called it good. (How much better — and more fitting — would “Rusty Cage” have been there?)

But from the moment we heard a hip hop sample of “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” in the first trailer for Black Panther, we knew we were getting something different.

You can listen to the album streaming on Spotify here and now.

5. A Nation Under Our Feet by Ta-Nehisi Coates

a nation under our feet 1

While this current run on Black Panther may not have a lot to do with the movie from a narrative or character standpoint, it shares something incredibly important which is a social commentary. Coates’ opening run on Black Panther may have been set in Wakanda and been about the politics of Wakanda, but it wasn’t hard to see parallels to our current political situation in the US.

This is completely true of the film as well. It’s also clear that Coogler and Coates are of similar minds about presenting a critique of colonialism (and our current neo-colonialist attitudes towards Africa). Our film also hits hard on the oppression faced by black Americans, a struggle Coates has written on extensively and which finds itself woven into the philosophical discussions of A Nation Under Our Feet.

Beyond that, the basic premise of this run is whether T’Challa and Wakanda have some duty to the larger world or only to their country and their throne. That resonates thematically with T’Challa’s growth in the film. It’s also paced similarly– with lots of dialogue and character and less action.

Please also check out our video review of this on Facebook.

On a side note, a quick shout out to one of my favorite podcasts, Funnybooks and Firewater, which covers comics and offers drinking games and custom cocktails to go with your reading. They covered this a few weeks ago, and if you ever wanted to hear four white guys from Utah and California struggle with their privilege and talk about why they love this book so much, this is worth a listen. Also, they’re currently halfway through Watchmen and inching up on their 100th episode, so check them out.

6. Black Panther by Christopher Priest

h/t to my colleague Jon Carroll, who recommended this to me. Starting in his 1998 run on Black Panther, Christopher Priest introduced the Dora Milaje and the character of Everett Ross, whom we see a lot of in this film.

7. Static Shock

Speaking of Christopher Priest, it’s worth mentioning and recommending Static Shock, which he co-created with Dwayne McDuffie (Rest in Power– we miss you still), Denys Cowan, Derek Dingle, and Michael Davis.

For kids of a certain age who will remember this fondly from the Kids WB lineup of cartoons, this was simply the height of early 00’s superhero awesomeness. It was also important to remember how groundbreaking this was at the time to have a superhero show led by a young black hero. Sure, Storm had been on the X-Men cartoon, but only as a part of a team that also included a fuzzy purple demon.

But this was the impetus for creating the character in the first place– greater representation and diversity in the world of comics and tv. Here’s hoping we also see more of him with the upcoming Young Justice continuation on Netflix as his inclusion was a highlight of Season 2.

8. Blade II 

Yes, for all the hype about this being the first time we’ve had a black comic book superhero in a big budget Hollywood movie, we’ve forgotten that Blade was a Marvel comics character before Wesley Snipes took on the role. However, in my opinion, the first film was good, not great. But Blade II is the far superior film.

Directed by Guillermo del Toro, contender for Best Director this year for The Shape of Water, we get Blade teaming up with a vampire clan to take out the Reapers, new creatures that feed on vampires. This also reunites Del Toro with Ron Perlman from their previous work on Cronos, but perhaps more importantly, set up Del Toro and Perlman to make Hellboy. 

The major difference between the Blade movies and Black Panther? It’s missing a broader social conscience. This is something the Blade franchise always seemed to approach but never quite executed on, using vampires as stand-ins for parasitic and oppressive capitalism and the resulting income inequality. You can read that into the first two Blade movies (we dare not speak about the third one), but it isn’t quite there in the same way Black Panther wears its social commentary on its sleeve.

Some have suggested along with Blade, I should also recommend Spawn, which also starred a black superhero. But then I would be recommending Spawn. And I just can’t bring myself to do that. The Summer of 1997 was very cruel to comic books at the movies. I’m still not sure what is the bigger ignominy– nipples on the batsuit or the entirety of Spawn. 

9. Ultimates II

A Marvel animated film based off the second arc of The Ultimates, or the comics themselves, in which the Ultimate Universe versions of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes (which became a sort of meta-blueprint for a lot of the MCU) enter Wakanda and meet Black Panther.

10. Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes

Because one good cartoon deserves another, this cartoon series for some reason met an early death after only two seasons despite some amazing work. Klaue shows up fairly early, and T’Challa shows himself the equal or superior of all of our Avengers.

11. Luke Cage and Black Lightning

Last but certainly not least, these are great tv shows, and certainly Luke Cage is set in the same universe. But I didn’t want to just fall into a trap of just listing every superhero adaptation with a black protagonist. What sets these apart is a clear connection with a strong social commentary on what it is to be black in America right now. It should go without saying that if you aren’t watching Black Lightning every week on the CW, you should be. And if you somehow skipped Luke Cage on Netflix, it’s a good time to catch up, especially before the next season of Jessica Jones comes out in a few weeks.

 

Well, there we go. While certainly not an exhaustive list, this should help you as you wait patiently to see this film later this week.

Did I miss anything? Have a favorite Black Panther tie-in? Leave it in the comments section. Wakanda Forever.

Movie Review: Black Panther

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Black-Panther-posterBelieve the hype.

Marvel’s Black Panther not only continues the studio’s tradition for making fun, accessible comic book movies, but also propels it into something almost wholly different. One major complaint about Marvel Studios work is their relative sameness and unwillingness to mess with a winning formula.

This movie is anything but the same as everything that came before it. It presents a character-driven story (and, yes, a social message– appropriate for both the history of this character and our current political state) and is more focused on character and world-building than its action sequences, which may leave some fans feeling a little bored in the first act. But just hang around for the last twenty minutes.

Director Ryan Coogler’s visual style is given the budget and canvass it deserves, and he directs a cast of black luminaries in a way that is balanced and thoughtful. He successfully channels — and possibly even outshines — Joss Whedon and the Russo Brothers in the way other Marvel franchise movies have managed to give each character their due.

Chief among these is Chadwick Boseman, who as the title character T’Challa must take the throne of his country of Wakanda after the death of his father in Captain America: Civil War. This is ultimately a story of his internal conflict — whether to reveal Wakanda’s true capabilities to the world and help it, or to continue to be isolated.

His struggle is made real in the rise of Erik Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan), working with Ulysses Klaue (Andy Serkis). You may remember Klaue from Age of Ultron as the arms dealer who was able to steal vibranium from Wakanda. Killmonger, an American mercenary who seems to have a connection to Wakanda, certainly has a grudge. No spoilers, but the way his story intertwines with T’Challa’s is masterful in that it helps tie the concerns of the streets of America to the fate of Wakanda and their precious vibranium.

Even better, Killmonger has a point, and is one of those great, classic villains who doesn’t believe he’s the bad guy. In many ways, he isn’t. He represents real outrage and militarism that is wholly justified. Just as T’Challa has to grapple with him, so too do we as an audience face a real challenge to heed and internalize his critique. But perhaps what is most amazing (and a credit to Coogler’s script and directing) is the commentary never feels heavy-handed, and Jordan delivers his commentary on the US military-industrial complex and systemic, cyclical, oppressive poverty, mass incarceration, drugs with the crispness, charisma, and intensity of an early 1990s Denzel Washington.

Another frequent criticism of Marvel Studios’ films is their general lack of good on-screen villains. A dozen and a half films, and across all of those you have. . .  Loki? And that’s basically it as truly memorable villains.

Black Panther by some counts may have as many as four different antagonists, including an appearance by regular comics series villain M’Baku. And all of them have a character arc, are fully developed, and work within the narrative to enhance T’Challa’s growth as a character. Most other movies suffering from too many villains (hello multiple Batman movies!) will collapse under their bloated weight. Coogler here perfectly balances everything.

Coogler also brings to bear a balanced supporting cast, all of whom get their moments to shine. Daniel Kaluyya, fresh off his success in Get Out, plays W’Kabi, one of T’Challa’s closest friends and advisors who is pushing him to be more militant and seek justice for what Klaue did to them. And Martin Freeman shows up again as Everett Ross, playing a much bigger role than we’d be led to believe.

But the real stars are the women. Lupita Nyong’o plays Nakia, T’Challa’s ex-romantic interest and a foreign operative for Wakanda. She and Danai Gurira as Okoye, the head of the Dora Milaje, Wakanda’s all-female royal guard, help keep T’Challa grounded, as well as watching his back and proving themselves just as much his equal in combat. A fight scene in a casino about halfway in show them t be T’Challa’s equals in combat, but the scene is also a master class in fight scene choreography.

Also perhaps most importantly, Angela Bassett plays the Queen mother and provides perhaps the most important line of the film. While T’Challa engages in ritual combat to claim the throne, he loses focus. She screams from the sidelines, “Show them who you are!” So much of this film is about the search for modern black identity, with multiple people asking T’Challa through the film who he is. Upon hearing the encouragement from his mother, he replies, “I am T’Challa! Son of T’Chaka!” and is able to summon the inner strength needed to vanquish his rival.

Speaking of the Wakanda royal family, T’Challa’s younger sister Shuri (Letitia Wright), basically acts as Q giving James Bond his toys in an early scene, and is technically adept enough that she could easily give Tony Stark some lessons. Oh, by the way, she’s a teenager, and in one of the few missteps n the film makes an immediately dated reference to an internet meme made popular on the now-defunct social media site Vine.  Despite her meming, Shuri is the breakout star of this movie, delivering one of the other best lines of the film when she refers to Everett Ross by a particularly on-the-nose epithet. She’s also an amazing role model– not just a princess, but the mind behind so much of Wakanda’s technology.

This leads me to my next point, which is the impressive tech and gadgetry of this film. Basically Wakanda says to anything we’ve seen from Stark or SHIELD in previous movies, “Anything you can do, I can do better!” Opening scenes show just how advanced they are.

And yet, for all this futuristic technology, the design and aesthetics of the film remain so firmly rooted in Africa and traditional clothes and weapons. The costume design on this film is phenomenal. Beyond that, Wakandan warriors and Dora Milaje wielding spears, knives, and scythes belie a deeper tech core, one which you can see as the weapons sparkle in the sun– one of those spears can take down a helicopter, or SUV, no problem. It’s incredibly fascinating from a basic design perspective, and asking a very basic question: What might have happened to Africa if these nations hadn’t been carved up, colonized, plundered and exploited for resources? If defended, as Wakanda was because of its vibranium, we wonder how close we would be to this vision of afro-futurism the film so effortlessly shows. But, instead, Wakanda plays to the vanity and ignorance of the rest of the world by pretending to be poor and less developed. That says more about us than it does about them.

The costumes, the weapon design all pale in comparison to a broader visual aesthetic Coogler presents. This film is gorgeous in many places. During a dream sequence we see Wakanda with purple skies in a sort of magical twilight. We also get several scenes played at or near sunset in that “magic hour” that they either beautifully captured (or more likely, digitally re-created). It’s just gorgeous, and characters even remark how spectacular the Wakandan sunsets are in a moment that will break your heart. A car chase through the streets of Busan, Korea also provide some spectacular visuals, as well as one of the best action sequences of the film.

Speaking of, hold on until the final act of this movie. It’s really talky and thinky through much of its first two hours, but its final action sequence will have you wanting more– and really looking forward to seeing Wakanda face off against Thanos and his armies in Avengers: Infinity War (What?!?! That’s only three months away?!? We live in a golden age of entertainment).

Black Panther is going to be a little less accessible to some audiences, which is a shame. Some will shun it because of bias or racism, and that’s simply too bad for them that they won’t enjoy the best movie of 2018 so far. Some will be bored by its character and world-building and wish there was more action. That’s also a shame, as we deserve more smarts in our blockbusters.

But bottom line? Go see this movie. Several times. Perhaps then after major success of this, Get Out, and Star Wars, Hollywood will stop pretending that movies led by black actors don’t appeal to mainstream (read: white) audiences. We vote with our dollars, so vote loudly, and vote often.

And stick around through the credits. The first after-credits scene (minor spoiler, but not really) of T’Challa speaking at the UN is a speech that should be printed on posters and hanging in your office. You will want it playing on a loop as motivation for us as humans to do better. And the end credit scene. . .  fans should be happy for another tease towards Infinity War.

Wakanda Forever.

4.5 out of 5 stars

Movie Review: Fifty Shades Freed

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fifty shades poster

Dear target audience for this movie:  you know that there’s porn on the internet, right? It’s free. And most of it has greater artistic and societal value than this boring abomination of a “film” which comes out at a moment where it feels particularly tonedeaf.

Normally I won’t rip in to a movie just because it’s not my cup of tea. When I made my Worst of 2017 list, I specifically pointed out I wasn’t including “easy dunks” like Fifty Shades Darker — which now, by comparison to this, looks like a goddamn masterpiece.

But this movie isn’t even sexy. It’s not even really that kinky. (And no, I’m not going to kink shame anyone here, either. You do you. And if you really want something fun [and comic-related!] and a little kinky, check out Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, which just came out on Blu-ray/digital — based on the true story of the man who created Wonder Woman and the women and kinky lifestyle that inspired her) And beyond being tonedeaf to the cultural moment we are in and the empowering of women in the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, the worst thing any movie can be is boring.

This is utterly boring.

It’s also garbage.

The film begins with the wedding of our two main characters, Anastasia Steele and the eponymous Christian Grey. And far from normalizing their kink by including it in the confines of their marriage, it makes it all the worse and all the more creepy because of all the societal baggage of chattel marriage of women being treated as property of their husbands.

Christian demands Anna not take her top off on a nude beach in France. He later “punishes” her for her “defiance” when she does. (More on this in a moment.) He gets angry when he tries to email her at her first morning back at work and her email address hasn’t been changed to “Anastasia Grey.” He’s also angry that she’s taking meetings with other men. She goes out for drinks with her friend instead of going straight home from work when he’s out of town. He polices what she is and isn’t allowed to wear because he doesn’t want other people looking at her. She’s not allowed to drive his sports car. He doesn’t want her to work, and constantly pulls her away from her career, playing up the fact that he owns the publishing house where she works, pulling rank as her “boss’s boss’s boss’s boss.” These are all classic warning signs and markers of abuse. Not kink. Abuse. Oh, but he makes it up to her when he buys her a mansion. Nice.

The film also has the distinct honor of ruining three of my favorite songs ever. David Bowie’s “Young Americans” plays in the background as Anastasia cooks Christian dinner, and he remarks how much he likes seeing her in the kitchen, to which Anna replies “barefoot and pregnant?” BARF. Do you remember your President Nixon? BARF AGAIN. (It also bothered me that Anna pulled a supposedly perfect medium rare steak out of the oven, put it on a plate, and Christian immediately cut into it and ate a slice– you need to let it rest for at least two to three minutes to let the juices redistribute or else they’re going to run out all over the plate instead of keeping the meat moist! You monster!! Oh, back to the music. . . )

Later, Christian sits at a piano and sings Paul McCartney’s “Maybe I’m Amazed,”  a song which could not be more tonedeaf. But, you guyz, he’s such a poor tortured soul, and he’s a lonely man in the middle of something that he doesn’t really understand. (F@#$ YOU, MOVIE for having all the subtlety of a jackhammer). Also, ahhem– we’ve never known Christian was a musician before, and suddenly he’s singing and playing piano? HE’S A TOTAL MARY SUE, YOU GUYZ!!! (I’ve said this before about other terrible movies from the last two months, but anyone who hated Star Wars deserves to go sit and watch this movie and be reminded of what a truly bad movie is.)

And then, the final ignominy, in a scene that is supposed to be sexy, set in Christian’s “Red Room” full of kink, he binds her up and tortures her as Bishop Briggs massacres INXS’s classic “Never Tear Us Apart.”

Torture and massacre are not words I use lightly. First, this version of the song literally takes the best, most dynamic parts of the song in the chorus and tones them down, as though Briggs maybe can’t match Michael Hutchence’s vocal dynamics? It sounds like a dirge. And this is the ultimate metaphor for the film– taking something awesome (say, sex) and making it absolutely awful and boring.

The important thing to remember is that at least we survived, and some classic songs, like, say, Depeche Mode’s ode to bondage and domination “Master and Servant” were never touched.

As for the torture. . .  this is not kink-shaming. [Minor spoiler alert, but srsly IDGAF I’m gonna spoil this movie here] In both this scene and another, Christian takes Anna’s “defiance” of his orders/wishes and then uses them as fuel to dish out and withold pleasure and pain. Specifically here, he uses a sex toy to take her up to the edge of orgasm and then pulls away, denying a climax as a punishment for not doing what he said.

She even invokes her safe word and scolds him that he wasn’t doing this out of love, but to hurt her. Ummmmmm. . .  yeah.

We’ve been telling you, Anna, for two and a half movies that Christian doesn’t respect you, your boundaries, your agency. And you think that now, just because you’re married, he’s going to get better?

Let’s get Rob Porter’s ex wives on the phone, and they can tell you how that turned out.

If anything, it’s worse being married, because now Christian believes he is entitled to Anna’s body and to police her full time. After all, he bought her! Errr. . . married her! It’s that sort of entitlement that is even worse in many ways. As Anna’s boss or boyfriend, she still could walk away. As Mrs. Grey, walking away mean losing everything, including her career. He’s still not getting consent for all of their activities, meaning what he’s doing is sexual assault. Not kink, but abuse.

But this movie plows right past spousal rape and abuse as though it doesn’t matter and makes it better because Christian can sweep her away to a romantic getaway to Aspen.

And herein is the second biggest tonedeaf part of this “film”– the conspicuous consumption and ridiculous lengths they go to in this movie to parade wealth and privilege around. It’s just sickening. It’s not cool how awesome and fast your sports car is. (And it’s SUPER gross you won’t let your wife drive it.)

The fact that this film is being released now (before Valentine’s Day? Gross) is the biggest testament to how tonedeaf it is. The cultural criticisms of the Fifty Shades books and movies has been out there for many years now. The fact that the producers of the film will choose to release it now shows they’re just as complicit in fostering a culture that degrades womens’ agency and value, not just in Hollywood but across the country, as those who empower monsters like Harvey Weinstein. They just don’t get it. And so you know what else they shouldn’t get? Your money. Or your time.

There are those who will say, “Oh, but I have MoviePass– I have to see just how bad this movie is, just like I had to see Geostorm or Winchester or Den of Thieves.” Yeah, this movie is not only not worth your money, it’s not worth your time. Even if you could see it for free, don’t.

Seriously consider any of the following as good alternatives:
[the aformentioned] Professor Marston and the Wonder Women – for the sexy times, the kinky times, and the comics tie-in.
The Shape of Water – This is a beautiful love story and an even more beautiful film. Go see it in theaters and see why it’s nominated for so many Academy Awards. I also like when she explains how the creature’s penis works.
Magic Mike / Magic Mike XXL – Again, for the sexy. You and your gal friends want to see something tawdry and fun? At least watch something shot well by the amazing Stephen Soderbergh, or even the just slightly above mediocre sequel.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi – It’s about to leave theaters, it’s such a great film, even if it isn’t really very sexy. But because “That’s how we’re going to win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what love.” Go see Star Wars again.
Or just go watch 2 hours of stuff on YouPorn or something.

But this is not worth your time or attention.

0 out of 5 stars

New Poster for The First Purge Pulls No Punches

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Arriving the same day as Donald Trump’s first State of the Union, the new poster for this summer’s The First Purge takes a swing at our current politics in a far more explicit way than it ever has before.

The First Purge poster Graphic Policy

I joked at the last Purge movie that it was “Donald Trump the Movie.” That seems so quaint and funny a quip in the summer of 2016, but now maybe a little too on the dystopian nose.

Regardless, I look forward to this newest installment (as I have all of the last few Purge sequels) but wonder if it can somehow outcompete reality. I’m always curious about what Blumhouse will deliver to us when it comes to horror / genre films, especially after last year’s (now Oscar-nominated) Get Out.

So what’s it about? Well, it’s a prequel. But that’s not so terrible, especially considering the rather loose way the films have woven into one another. But this will tell us the story of the first purge, layered with lots of social commentary.

From the studio:

Behind every tradition lies a revolution.  Next Independence Day, witness the rise of our country’s 12 hours of annual lawlessness.  Welcome to the movement that began as a simple experiment: The First Purge.

To push the crime rate below one percent for the rest of the year, the New Founding Fathers of America (NFFA) test a sociological theory that vents aggression for one night in one isolated community.  But when the violence of oppressors meets the rage of the marginalized, the contagion will explode from the trial-city borders and spread across the nation.

Coming off the most successful film in the series, The Purge: Election Year, creator James DeMonaco (writer/director of The Purge, The Purge: Anarchy and The Purge: Election Year) returns alongside the producers of this worldwide phenomenon: Blumhouse Productions’ Jason Blum (Insidious series, Get Out, Split), Platinum Dunes partners Michael Bay, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ouijaseries, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), and DeMonaco’s longtime production partner, Sébastien K. Lemercier (Assault on Precinct 13, Four Lovers).

The First Purge is directed by Gerard McMurray (Burning Sands), working from a screenplay once again written by DeMonaco. www.thefirstpurge.com

5 Ways the Oscars Can Improve

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Well, for the first time in several years, the Academy Awards nominations are out and not head-scratchingly out of touch. While Wonder Woman, a hit both critically and at the box office, was strangely completely shut out, most of the nominations actually reflect some of the best work this year, with Get Out and The Shape of Water (two of my personal favorites) receiving multiple nominations. We’ll have to wait to talk about Three Billboards another day, but tl;dr– it’s a good movie, but perhaps not as deserving as the multiple nominations it deserves.

I’m still mad that we’ll give an award to Gary Oldman wearing a fatsuit as Winston Churchill but not Andy Serkis wearing digital makeup as Caesar, but at least we’re seeing a diverse (and deserving!) group of nominees.

I was especially happy to see Get Out, Lady Bird, The Big Sick, and Mudbound get nominations. While in the Best Director category I’d rather replace Christopher Nolan and Paul Thomas Anderson with… I dunno– Patty Jenkins, Rian Johnson, Denis Villanueve, Kathryn Bigelow, but that’s just personal taste. 

It’s so odd that it’s 2018 and this is the first time a woman has been nominated for cinematography. And while Rachel Morrison‘s work on Mudbound is definitely worthy of nomination, it’s supremely unfortunate she is competing against what may be Roger Deakins‘ best work ever — and that’s saying something for the prolific master with his 14th nomination.

So, all in all, Oscars? Not bad.

But…

Let’s face it: the Oscars kind of suck. But in admitting this truth, we can recognize the ways the Academy of Motion Picture Sciences needs to adapt, improve, and revitalize their relevance.

The biggest problem with the Academy Awards is they don’t really award the best in the film industry. The voting is so political– and not political in terms of awarding diversity or political as in reflecting our actual politics. But Academy voters generally have seemed more focused on rewarding current less good films from those who were snubbed in the past that it then snubs those working on the bleeding edge of film today.  Hence, this is likely Deakins’ year– not only because of the masterwork that is BladeRunner2049, but also for all of his other works.

They took a giant step forward last year in awarding Best Picture to Moonlight and recognizing Barry Jenkins‘ excellent work in it. Despite that, there is still Hollywood’s diversity problem– and yes, this is a system-wide problem that is directly reflected in the Academy’s voting.

While on both of these complaints there is some improvement, but just because Guillermo Del Toro, Jordan Peele, and Greta Gerwig are nominated this year, let’s not kid ourselves that they’ve fixed the problem. This is, however, a giant step forward. But Greta Gerwig is only the fifth female director ever nominated. Jordan Peele is also only the fifth black director ever nominated. And Del Toro’s nomination is only the fifth time a Latino has been nominated– and three of those were for Alejandro Iñárritu.

Still? Progress.

Also, things have just changed with movies. We need to simultaneously bemoan the fact that fewer members of the public enjoy seeing groundbreaking cinema, while also recognizing the artistry that goes into making a Last Jedi or Logan or Wonder Woman.

Most of the Best Picture nominations have made less than $100 million. NONE of the top 10 grossing movies of 2017 are nominated for Best Picture or Best Director. While we should in no way conflate box office with artistic merit (C’mon– my favorite movie of 2017 was a complete flop) but it’s no wonder the public tunes out– because the Oscars celebrate what Hollywood likes in its movies, but not necessarily the rest of the country. In fact, of the top twenty best performing films of 2017, you only have two that received Best Picture / Best Director nominations — Dunkirk (16th) and Get Out (18th).

But let’s focus less on what is wrong and more on what we can do to make it right. Here are five simple ideas, including three new awards, that would revitalize the Oscars and make them more meaningful. And for each one I’ll look across dimensions to Earth-2, where these already exist, to give you some ideas of past winners and this year’s nominees.

1. BEST SPECIAL PERFORMANCE – MOTION CAPTURE, PRACTICAL EFFECTS OR DIGITAL ANIMATION

Think of it like the award for “Best Makeup.” Instead of putting people in masks and prosthetics, modern movie makers are covering some of our best actors in tiny dots and green spandex to create digital characters just as real as any actor on screen. And every year they keep getting better. This award should go to the actor(s) creating the characters as well as the animators themselves, and should be for both traditional animated films as well as live-action films with digital characters. And because sometimes more than one actor is contributing to the amazing work here, films and their producers can nominate a single actor or multiple for consideration, as well as the VFX/animation teams responsible.

Yes, this is how we get Andy Serkis the Oscars he already deserves but will never receive. It was salt in a wound to see Serkis announcing the awards this year– you knew he wouldn’t be nominated. But it would also be a way to recognize animation and voice-over work in a film like Toy Story where animators are capturing actors’ facial performances to inform their animation. Likewise we should recognize excellent puppetry work and practical creature effects, or in combination with digital effects like this year’s Yoda cameo in The Last Jedi or Doug Jones’ performance as the creature in The Shape of Water.

And because these types of performances are most often used in big budget blockbusters, it’s a great way to get people involved in watching an awards show where they actually have seen some of the top films. Let’s start the Oscar campaign now for Gypsy Danger in Pacific Rim 2, shall we?

Past winners:
2017 – Guy Henry, Ingvild Deila, Alan Tudyk and Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
2016 – Lupita Nyong’o and Star Wars: The Force Awakens
2015 – Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel and Guardians of the Galaxy
2014 – Andy Serkis, Toby Kebbell, Nick Thurston, Karin Konoval, Terry Notary, Doc Shaw, Judy Greer, Lee Ross and Rise of the Planet of the Apes

2018 nominees:
Andy Serkis, Steve Zahn, Nick Thurston, Karin Konoval, Terry Notary and War for the Planet of the Apes
Anthony Gonzalez, Gael García Bernal, Benjamin Bratt, Alanna Ubach, Renee Victor and Coco
Mark Ruffalo, Taika Waititi and Thor: Ragnarok
Doug Jones and The Shape of Water
Liam Neeson and A Monster Calls

2. BEST ENSEMBLE CAST

Sometimes no single actor is worthy of an award, but the rich alchemy of what a director brings together means everyone deserves some accolades. And because no one seems to be able to decide what is a leading and what is a supporting role anymore, this offers some flexibility, as well as the opportunity to reward multiple supporting actors for their fine work.

This would help the Oscars’ diversity problem, as there simply aren’t enough leading roles for people of color, but they very often inhabit secondary roles, but maybe not the ones who get Best Supporting Actor/Actress nods.

Also, given the star-studded casts of our blockbusters, this is also an opportunity to reward a film along the lines of The Fellowship of the Ring or a film like last year’s Moonlight  where three different actors play the same character and it’s next to impossible to choose which one is better than the others.

Past winners:
2017: Moonlight
2016: Spotlight
2015: Selma
2014: The Wolf of Wall St

2018 nominees:
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Get Out
The Shape of Water
Marshall
The Post

3. EMERGING VISIONS

Think of it like the Grammy for “Best New Artist.” Since the Oscars so often neglect groundbreaking work from up-and-coming directors and screenwriters, let’s award some of the new blood in the same way a lot of film festivals do.

And rather than being too strict on the rules, broadly define the category as any sort of “Breakthrough” film. It could be a director known for independent work who finally saw some mainstream success (so this wasn’t technically their first film.) Or it might be their first film.

Oh, and to make it especially fun, it can be awarded to the writer OR director (or both), as well as the producers in the same way Best Picture rewards the entire film.

Past winners:
2017: Barry Jenkins – Moonlight
2016: Alfonso Gómez-Rejón and Jesse Andrew – Me and Earl and the Dying Girl
2015: Ava DuVernay – Selma
2014: Ryan Coogler – Fruitvale Station

2018 nominees:
Jordan Peele – Get Out
Kumail Najiani and Emily Gordon – The Big Sick
David Leitch – Atomic Blonde
Greta Gerwig – Lady Bird
Trey Edward Shults – It Comes at Night

4. STOP GHETTO-IZING ANIMATION

Perhaps the biggest snubs every year are the animated features that don’t end up nominated for Best Picture. This is more a change of mindset than anything else, but it is ridiculous that in the history of the Academy Awards, only three animated films have ever been nominated for Best Picture.

While this was supposed to have been ameliorated by including a new category for Best Animated Feature (and the expansion of Best Picture nominees from 5 to as many as 10), it’s still incredibly hard for a movie to be recognized as the achievement it is. The same is true for documentaries, where no documentary film has ever been nominated.

Especially where in the last few years we had some of the best animated films we’ve had in a long time, it’s time for members of the Academy to start voting for animated films for Best Picture. It’s an even bigger hill to climb for anime — voters need to start recognizing films made by Japanese studios other than Ghibli, especially given the stellar quality of films like Your Name. 

Past inclusions:
2017: Kubo and the Two Strings, Moana, Zootopia
2016: Inside Out, Shaun the Sheep
2015: The Lego Movie, The Boxtrolls
2014: Frozen

2018 inclusions:
Coco
Your Name

5. ALWAYS HAVE 10 BEST PICTURE NOMINEES . . . AND 10 BEST DIRECTORS

It’s unclear why the Academy chooses the number of Best Picture nominees it does. But considering their use of “IRV” or instant-runoff voting, films are ranked by the voters and then the winner is truly the consensus winner.

Considering that point, it’s completely odd that the Academy would choose to honor ten films, but not ten directors. When Selma is nominated for Best Picture, but Ava DuVernay is not (and Bennett Miller is? Two years later, does anyone remember Foxcatcher? Didn’t think so. . .Again, another example of the Academy trying to award mediocre work in exchange for snubbing Bennett’s previous excellent work on Capote and Moneyball) it raises some very serious eyebrows.

Why not celebrate ten directors? The same reason why you wouldn’t want a full slate of ten films for Best Picture. Which is no reason at all. So stop doing it.

Cast a wider net, celebrate more people and their contributions, and you’ll find diversity (and brilliance, and cutting-edge work) celebrated more often and the Academy honoring grey-haired white men only when they truly deserve it.

Best Director additions:
Denis Villanueve – BladeRunner 2049
Patty Jenkins – Wonder Woman
Kathryn Bigelow – Detroit
James Mangold – Logan
Edgar Wright – Baby Driver

Best Picture addition
Coco

Maze Runner: The Death Cure – Movie Review

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maze runner death cure posterAt the end of the second Maze Runner movie, The Scorch Trials, there is a giant action sequence, a giant betrayal, and our heroes are left in an incredibly dire situation. I remember thinking, “Well, that movie wasn’t great, but I can’t wait to see the sequel.”

I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up quite so much.

The Maze Runner series has tried repeatedly to show it’s better than the ersatz generic-brand Hunger Games, and this final film in their trilogy does nothing to dispel that notion.

However, it’s not all bad. And Thomas Brodie-Sangster, always drastically underused in the last two films, gets all the due he needs in this movie. If you love Newt, get ready to love every second he’s on screen.

The rest of the film never quite takes off or coalesces into something greater than the sum of its parts. It’s also overly long and has one too many plot “twists” that are entirely too predictable.

Its supporting cast, however, are doing all they can. I already mentioned Sangster, but beyond him, Giancarlo Esposito also seems to relish his screentime, although he isn’t quite the unpredictable, resourceful scoundrel of Scorch Trials. Aiden Gillen really should’ve grown out a mustache for this role so he could twirl it with all the cartoonish villainy he is channeling here. And then Walton Goggins shows up for an all-too-brief cameo and steals every scene he’s in. It’s just not enough.

The problem, as with its predecessors, is the film is just a bit thin. Its attempts at dystopian social commentary fall flat, because there really isn’t much more to say beyond, “Yeah, having a giant corporation called WCKD (it sounds like “wicked”– we get it) control every aspect of medicine, police/military, etc during an apocalyptic plague is a bad way to run society.” When it’s not being overly blunt, it loses any sort of messaging in over the top, ridiculous action scenes.

Fans of this series will go see this conclusion and will likely be satisfied. This is definitely the best of the three Maze Runner films– but that is not saying much. With so many of the films nominated for multiple awards now being put more widely into theaters to capitalize on their nominations, you’d be much better off checking one of them out than this.

2.5 out of 5 stars

Movie Review: Den of Thieves

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Den-of-Thieves-movie-posterA paint-by-numbers cops and robbers movies explores the depths of just how little you can care about its characters. By the end, you don’t care who lives, dies, or gets away with the cash– you just want it to be over.

Filled with almost as many tired tropes (honorable thieves, dirty cops) as bullets in the finale, its plot is full of almost as many holes as its cast is by the end of the film. Seriously, any Star Wars “fan” who complained about plot holes in The Last Jedi, just go watch Den of Thieves. You deserve this movie. To remind you what an actual bad movie is.

This film, which feels every second of its bloated 2 hour and 20 minute runtime and somehow inexplicably even longer, feels like it was written an assembled by 10 teams of people each given part of a script outline and told to go write and film it, and then run together as part of an experimental film festival. Oh, but no, this apparently came from the mind of one person, writer and director Christian Gudegast, “best” known for having “written” the ridiculous London Has Fallen.

Here’s the rundown: Gerard Butler (who also served as producer) plays the head of the LA Sheriff’s Department Major Crimes unit. As they tell O’Shea Jackson, Jr. when shaking him down for information, they’re more “regulators” than cops, and they’d rather put a bullet in you than arrest you– less paperwork. (If only that were cogent enough to be social commentary, it might be something, but it’s so ham-fisted it completely misses the mark.) Yeah, get it? They’re baaaaad cops.

And they’re on the trail of an elite team of bank robbers– ex-Marines who have pulled several daring heists in the past and gotten away with it. Their target is the incredibly secure and never-been-robbed-before Federal Reserve of Los Angeles. And so the first two-thirds of the film plays out like many a heist movie before: putting the pieces of the plan together to lead up to a break-neck finale.

Most great heist films lead us to identify with the thieves, but this inexplicably spends huge amounts of time with Butler, whom the film can’t decide if we should love or hate. His department colleagues, meanwhile, get zero character development and are just there as bodies to be collateral damage in a final, inevitable shootout. They really want Butler to be Serpico or Bad Lieutenant, but he just isn’t. We don’t love to hate him. We don’t love the heart of gold inside the broken, complicated man. We sort of just write him off as a giant douche and don’t care if he lives or dies.

Ditto for the team of thieves. It would be something if we knew why they were trying to pull this. Somebody’s baby needs a surgery. They have a beef with “The Man” and are going to take him down. But they seem intent on robbing the Federal Reserve, like George Mallory and Everest, “because it’s there.”

Lacking any motivation other than to just be wheels and cogs in a machine, the film plays out predictably and boringly. Even the inevitable reveal at the end feels forced, and really wasn’t that unexpected, assuming you were paying attention. It’s about the farthest thing from a Keyser Soze moment.

And then there’s the hanging plot threads. It’s just awful. Minor Spoiler Alert: Jackson’s character, supposedly recruited for his skills as a getaway driver, never even gets to drive a getaway vehicle. Why build up his skills early in the movie when there’s no payoff? And then the thieves get caught up by the most mundane of all reasons: LA traffic.

It’s just terrible. By the end, you don’t care who lives and who dies, and you kind of don’t want either side to win because they’re both just awful. In an attempt to give both sides layers, all they succeeded in doing was making you sort of hate everyone.

And while Butler really needs to tone down his scenery chewing (and start picking better projects– between this, Geostorm, and Gods of Egypt, this is three strikes in a row. Anything more and you end up in Adam Sandler territory), O’Shea Jackson, Jr. is somehow extremely watchable. He’s wildly charismatic, even in this shitshow of a film. But rather than subject yourself to an above-average performance in a terrible movie, treat yourself by watching him instead in a good movie, like last year’s overlooked Ingrid Goes West, where he portrays a struggling Batman-obsessed screenwriter. Otherwise, we’ll have to wait two years to see him next in the highly-anticipated sequel Godzilla: King of Monsters or the Seth Rogan comedy Flarsky, both in 2019.

Despite looking like a disaster of a crime scene, this is one where you can take the advice of the beat cop saying, “Nothing to see here, folks– move along.” The only thing this movie steals is two and a half hours of your life.

1.5 out of 5

The Post: Movie Review

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the-post-posterGovernment power run amok. Journalistic ethics facing overwhelming odds. Corporate interests and politics fighting to hold back the truth. Meryl Streep. Steven Spielberg. Tom Hanks. The Post seems like it was grown in a lab designed to win awards.

And it’s a really good movie. The story of how The Washington Post fought to publish The Pentagon Papers, thousands of pages of secret government documents about US involvement in Vietnam, is incredibly important, especially where we are in 2018.

As I sit here in my hotel room in Washington DC, watching cable news listening to the President of the United States saying he wants to make it easier to sue for libel, a chill runs up my spine. A similar chill happens each and every time President Nixon appears on screen in the film.

Spielberg smartly uses Nixon’s own words, taken directly from the infamous tapes, showing a silhouette in the Oval Office as we hear the president in his own voice talking about how they need to shut down the New York Times and Washington Post. It’s similar to how Good Night and Good Luck used actual footage of Joe McCarthy, and the effect is equally as good.

Hanks and Streep are also at the top of their games. It’s unfortunate that any Streep performance feels like an obligatory Oscar-nomination, because in this case it’s deserved. However, in trying to give trailblazing Post publisher Katharine Graham a cinematic character arc, they sort of gut her. She begins the film as a sort of wilting flower, a socialite running the paper but maybe over her head when butting heads with lawyers and bankers. She overcomes sexism and self-doubt to make these historic decisions. . . and it’s just simply unbelievable (and not really based in reality). But as a film and a performance, it works incredibly well.

Hanks is also great, though perhaps not as good as his last collaboration with Spielberg in Bridge of Spies. In that film, Hanks played the relatively anonymous James Donovan. But as The Post‘s legendary editor-in-chief Ben Bradlee, you can’t help compare him to other on screen depictions of him. Specifically, you draw an immediate comparison to Jason Robards in All the President’s Men. 

ben bradlee kay graham

The real Kay Graham and Ben Bradlee, from the Smithsonian’s Portrait Gallery

Perhaps the biggest complaint I have with the film is that as much as I enjoyed it, I spent more than half of my time wishing I was watching Errol Morris’s The Fog of War or All the President’s Men. I also felt like I was watching a sort of strange prequel to All the President’s Men, as this film ends [Spoiler Alert?] the same way that film begins– a security guard at the Watergate noticing duct tape on a door and a break-in at Democratic Party Headquarters. Perhaps because this particular moment in history has been so well covered already, it adds to the feeling that we’ve sort of “been there, done that” with this subject matter. However, because we seem to have failed to learn from the mistakes if forty years ago, we are doomed to repeat them now.

What is different and refreshing, though, is how this particular story is told. Spielberg’s choice of casting here is fascinating, filling the supporting cast with actors best known for their comedic backgrounds: Bob Odenkirk and David Cross (wha?!?) along with Zach Woods never get to be funny, but they also show off their dramatic side. In another strange bit of casting coincidence, Jesse Plemons also shows up as the Washington Post‘s chief counsel. This again just feels odd and takes me out of the movie, as I keep thinking about Breaking Bad and Mr. Show crossovers rather than what’s happening on screen.

But perhaps the best piece of casting is Bradley Whitford, who should probably be remembered as this last year’s greatest on-screen villain for his performances here and in Get Out. As a smarmy banker, complete with bow tie and slick hair, Whitford is the on-screen personification of mansplaining and the evil face of capitalism. It is exquisite and he and Streep play off one another so well that they enhance each others’ performances.

But the most important piece of this film is its message. While it perhaps over-romanticizes the press (one loving montage of the paper being printed and going to press was enough, but sure, we’ll take more?), the message of how important a free press is could not be more important. While this isn’t the best movie currently in theaters, it is perhaps the most important.

3.75 out of 5

 

The Best Movies of 2017

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No getting around it: 2017 was a slog. But, to get us through the stress of life, at least we could escape for an hour or two into some of the most amazing worlds.

It’s also been an amazing year for the comic book movie and, indeed, all blockbusters. This year the genre really grew up, with complex and challenging fare that deconstructed some of our favorite characters and took them to the next level.

I had a hard time paring it down to just a top 10, so I’m presenting a somewhat more expanded list of things worth seeing and celebrating in 2017. Never before have I had a hair’s breadth separating my top 5, and my top 20 are all worth checking out.

So I’m going to give you the best and then the rest– my top 10 and then the rest of the movies that made my list. Where I reviewed the movie for Graphic Policy, I have also provided a link. To those from before I joined the site or didn’t get a chance to do a full review, oh well. You’ll just have to take my word for it. Oh, and if you care about such things, my bottom 10 list is here.

10. Coco — This is one of Pixar’s best and one of the movies most likely to make me cry. While it has some second act problems, its universal themes of family and remembering are as beautiful as the animation and music here. This is also the first movie in my top 10 with an amazing soundtrack — a common theme among 2017’s best movies.

9. Baby Driver — A musical with car chases. The only problem with this movie is its opening fifteen minutes are so perfect it rarely meets that same level again. This is the movie Edgar Wright did after breaking with Marvel over creative differences about Ant-Man. We are so much the richer for having both of these movies, especially Baby Driver. With career-best performances by some of its cast, it’s a perfect blend of editing, directing, acting, and sound. And it’s just a load of fun.

8. Wonder Woman – Patty Jenkins should be put in charge of the entire DC movie universe. She understands her characters, she understands the gravity and importance they hold for people, and managed to deliver THE iconic moment of 2017 in cinema: the “No Man’s Land” scene.

It’s that moment– when she wears the costume, embraces her powers and her purpose — that we see her origin story in a way rarely ever so fully expressed on screen. Sure, the movie had some problems– a weak villain and a somewhat predictable climax — but it was important in a way few other films in this list were. And it showed that the DCEU could be everything that the Marvel Cinematic Universe could. It’s not only one of the best comic movies of 2017, it’s one of the best of all time.

7. Atomic Blonde — Technically, a comic book movie. And the movie with the best soundtrack of the year, during which we see Charlize Theron kick all sorts of butt. It’s heartfelt, funny, and undeniably cool as they try to out-John-Wick John Wick. Give me more of this, please, perhaps in a shared universe where Charlize and Keanu throw down and then invariably team up.

6. The Shape of Water – What a beautiful film about love among outcasts. The entirety of this film is about noticing the silent people, the forgotten ones, and recognizing the humanity in each of us. Also, sex with fish-people! This is a masterpiece by Guillermo del Toro and worthy of all the nominations and buzz it’s been getting.

5. War for the Planet of the Apes – This is true for basically every other film in my top 5, but this film showed us that effects-driven blockbusters could have intense heart and meaning. It’s unfathomable to me that Gary Oldman will be nominated for acting awards for wearing a fatsuit and portraying Winston Churchill, but Andy Serkis will be snubbed yet again for his creation of an amazingly real character in Caesar. It’s unclear where the Apes franchise goes from here — and writer/director Matt Reeves is setting his sights next on righting The Batman (which makes me all sorts of excited) — but whatever happens, they created an amazing trilogy with a phenomenal third act. Perhaps the only downside is that the social commentary that hits so close for 2017 (humans building a wall as well as other not-so-subtle jabs at Trump) may not age particularly well.

4. Logan – “A man has to be what he is, Joey. Can’t break the mold. I tried it and it didn’t work for me. There’s no living with a killing. There’s no going back from one. Right or wrong, it’s a brand. A brand sticks. There’s no going back. Now you run on home to your mother, and tell her… tell her everything’s all right. And there aren’t any more guns in the valley.” James Mangold gave us a perfect western that just happened to have Wolverine and Professor X in it. And Jackman and Stewart are amazing. Ok, I lied about Coco. THIS is the most likely thing to make me cry in any movie in 2017.

3. (tie) Your Name – Normally I won’t give in to a tie, but since there is some doubt whether or not this is even a 2017 release (I go by date of wide US release, so that puts us in April of 2017), I’ll go for it. Already the #1 animated film of all time in Japan (with good reason), I’m not sure why this hasn’t become more popular in the US. But that’s what year-end lists are for, right? A story of (literal) star-crossed teens in Japan who seem to be switching bodies becomes the most interesting story of identity, love, and wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey time travel ever. It made me cry at least three times. It’s an amazing film and one which would’ve been in my top 3 for 2016 if I’d known of it then. If that disqualifies it from this list, then my #3 spot goes to. . .


3. (tie) Star Wars: The Last Jedi – It’s amazing. You know this. I love it for all the ways it blows open the Star Wars universe into something even bigger and more important. Plus, porgs. It, Logan, and Apes all showed that blockbuster filmmaking could be thoughtful and not just deliver a rehash of the expectations of the franchise. Star Wars is my favorite thing of all time, and this delivers in ways I didn’t know were possible. I’m greatly anticipating both Episodes IX and the new trilogy Rian Johnson will deliver to us.

2. Get Out – Usually a movie will come out early in the year and become a high water mark for me for the year. Then every film I see after I’ll just ask, “Was this better than [Get Out]?” Few movies made it close, but it stands strong at the end of the year as the most important movie of 2017 and only a hair’s breadth off of my #1. This was such an amazing effort from Jordan Peele. It was an atmospheric, psychological thriller and the most biting social commentary of the decade– and exactly what we need to hear in 2017. Unfortunately, the people who most need to see and understand this film never will.

1. Blade Runner 2049 – I’m still not sure why this failed to resonate with audiences. It was supremely beautiful, important, thoughtful—in essence, the opposite of the Spirit of 2017, so I guess it makes sense. It’s shameful to see this getting forgotten in so many year-end lists and awards considerations. If Roger Deakins doesn’t win a cinematography Oscar for this, we have failed as a society.

So, that’s it. Here’s the rest of my list:

11. A Monster Calls — All the tears for this gorgeous and touching film that somehow never caught on.

12. Detroit — If Blade Runner hadn’t flopped at the box office, this is my vote for most underrated movie of 2017.

13. Spider-Man: Homecoming – This was the Spider-Man movie we needed, with John Hughes meets the MCU. Let’s hope Sony and Marvel’s partnership continue to yield such spectacular results.

14. The Big Sick — The best comedy of the year, Kumail Nanjiani’s true story of clashes of cultures and medically induced comas is amazing and worth everyone’s time.

15. Beatriz at Dinner — This should be renamed “Micro-aggressions the Movie” as massage therapist Beatriz (an impeccable and Oscar-worthy  Salma Hayek) ends up at a dinner party thrown by one of her high end clients facing off against a Donald-Trump type developer (an equally impeccable Jon Lithgow). It’s amazing and the ending will depress the hell out of you.

16. The Greatest Showman — Hugh Jackman took the money he made from Logan and used it to produce this musical ostensibly about PT Barnum but in reality about the strange and wonderful family among society’s outcasts and “freaks” that make up his circus. If I could put the historical revisionism aside, this would end up in my top 10, but Barnum was a monster. But as a story about putting people of all shapes, colors, and abilities up on screen and seeing them as people? This is tops. Keala Settle, who plays the bearded lady, deserves an Oscar nomination. And this will get multiple nominations for best song, from the people who brought you La La Land last year.

17. Brigsby Bear – What if you were kidnapped as a child and the only media your reclusive parents let you watch was a specially-made-for-you childrens’ program? This film from the mind of SNL’s Kyle Mooney then becomes a unique, innocent look at the pure joy of fandom and sharing something you love with new people and the lengths you’d go to do it. Also featuring a supporting role by Mark Hammil, this is another great little film that flew under the radar but is worth your attention.

18. Thor: Ragnarok — This is Thor’s best movie to date and one of the most fun movies ever in the MCU. Some people complained the movie had “too many jokes,” but making a buddy comedy with superheroes is something that was long overdue and sorely needed late in 2017. Whatever writer/director Taika Waititi is doing next, I’m watching it.

19. The Disaster Artist — The movie that launched a thousand terrible reaction gifs finally gets its Ed Wood treatment. The Room is awful, but somehow James and Dave Franco make us fall in love with it and its mysterious director Tommy Wiseau. For that, and their loving shot for shot recreations of some of the film’s most heinous scenes, this was incredibly fun. It’s also the type of movie Hollywood loves– a movie about making movies.

20. Molly’s Game — A superserving of Sorkin will hit all the right notes for his fans.

21. Okja — If The Disaster Artist is to The Room what Ed Wood is to Plan 9 From Outer Space, then this satire from Bong Joon-ho (thanks to Netflix for making it) is the Dr. Strangelove of global agribusiness and capitalism. It took this movie a while to take off, but when it did, it became intensely satisfying. When it wasn’t skewering the corporation that totally wasn’t Monsanto, it was also just a tender story about a girl and her giant genetically modified pet “super pig.”

22. The Post — Steven Spielberg’s latest is perhaps the most important movie for the turn of 2017 to 2018 about the decision to print the Pentagon Papers by The Washington Post. Buried in the Oscarbait is an important story about the freedom of the press and a rogue White House intent on crushing it. I just wish it was told slightly better and that 80% of the time I wasn’t wishing I were watching All the President’s Men or The Fog of War. 

23. The Lego Batman Movie — A movie about family, a movie about feminism, and just the greatest mishmash of toy mayhem ever seen on screen. This was the best Batman we saw on screen all year.

24. Dunkirk — I won’t lie, I had some problems with Dunkirk. Mostly I thought Nolan was spending too much time showing us how clever he was instead of just giving us a good movie. But I can’t deny the artistry and pure filmmaking prowess that went into this. I still think the best way to illuminate my problems is to compare it to Detroit, which I did in my review here. 

25. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 — “I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!” may be one of my favorite moments on screen all year. And then, that ending was just too perfect. This movie had a lot going for it, but the fact that it ended up at #25 is a testament to just how good so many movies were this year.

26. IT — This was everything we needed in the fall of 2017. Funny, smart, and incredibly scary, it also gave us one of the best comedy moments of the year, too, with an SNL skit of Kellyanne Conway as Kellywise the Clown trying to lure Anderson Cooper into the Trump Sewer.

27. John Wick Chapter 2 — Sometimes sequels really deliver, and this was one instance of that. Once again, we get the beautiful ultra-violence of this universe and without all of that boring exposition or deeper meaning. Sometimes you just want to watch the world burn, and for that, there’s always John Wick.

28. Power Rangers — This might surprise people, but I liked the Power Rangers movie far more than it deserved. Never a fan of the original, this still brought me in with it intense heart and third act action sequence that dared you not to smile from ear to ear. Oh, and also Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa was a thing of beauty. Say it with me: “Krispy Kreme.”

29. Wind River — Taylor Sheridan knocks it out of the park again with an amazing script about a murder mystery and the intersection of the oil industry and reservation life. How does one get justice in the face of corporate coverups and mixed jurisdiction? The scene with Jon Berenthal is one of the most gripping and brutal things I saw all year.

30. [tie] It Comes at Night — Speaking of inhumanity and suspense, we get a case study in minimalism of just how much a director can do with basic sets and a basic premise: a plague wipes out most of humanity and one family must make decisions about whether or not to trust strangers to guarantee their survival. The title is misleading and don’t get snookered into thinking anything more supernatural is happening. There’s no monsters. Just death. Just people. And that’s the true horror.

[tie] Ingrid Goes West — Again, I hate ties, but I feel like this provides a great counterpoint to It Comes at Night. Except in this case, the monster that haunts us is social media, stalking, and depression. Aubrey Plaza is perfect as Ingrid, who moves to LA and ends up stalking an “Instagram celebrity” played by Elizabeth Olson to try to find her way into her life. O’Shea Jackson (Jr.) shows up as a Batman-obsessed would-be screenwriter. The final reveal of the film almost feels like the end of a slasher movie when we see the killer supernaturally rises from where we thought we had killed it. Fun and thoughtful.

So, yeah, that’s a lot of movies. To be fair, there were a few I missed, so apologies. But what about you? What did I miss? What did I overrate? What did I underrate?

Let us know, and here’s hoping we have as amazing a 2018 as we did a 2017– at least in movies. And from Black Panther in February to Mary Poppins in December with Avengers: Infinity War, Solo, and Incredibles 2 in between, my expectations are set abnormally and unreasonably high.

Let’s see what 2018 gives us.

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