Even though the Fantastic Four comics kickstarted the creation of the Marvel Universe, their film adaptations have been critically maligned. In the “Fantastic Flops” series, I’m going back and re-evaluating the four previous Fantastic Four films and seeing if they’re a “Flop”, “Bop”, or “In-Between”.

In 1994, German film company Constantin Film was set to release a live action Fantastic Four film that was executive produced by B-movie legend Roger Corman and directed by Oley Sassone, who had done music videos for Gloria Estefan, Eric Clapton, and John Lee Hooker among others. According to a 2005 issue of Los Angeles Magazine, the film was supposed to have a big premiere at the Mall of America, but without much fanfare, it was shelved. The Fantastic Four was never officially released, and reports vary on whether it was ever meant to be released or was hastily produced so that Constantin and executive producer Bernd Eichinger could hold onto the rights for a future film. There is a lot of information about The Fantastic Four’s production, including a feature length documentary, but how does the actual film hold up.

From the cheesy opening credits sequence featuring planets and astronomical phenomena, The Fantastic Four shows every bit of its estimated $1 to $1.5 million budget. Sassone and cinematographer Mark Parry use shoddy trick photography to show off Reed Richards’ (Alex Hyde-White) stretching ability including the film’s infamous final shot of his arm waving like the inflatable thingmajigs you see outside cellphone stores. More cleverly, they take a 1966 Batman approach to action with animated images of the Thing and punching sound effects filling the frame instead of actual fight scenes. Thankfully, invisibility is the lowest budget superpower ever, and I got some dark laughs from Sue Storm (Rebecca Staab) disappearing, and two henchmen shooting each other. Unfortunately, the Human Torch’s (A hyperactive and irritating Jay Underwood) big scene where he goes nova into Dr. Doom’s death laser is ruined by a patchwork hybrid of early CGI and animation. Honestly, a fun stylistic choice in this scene would be using the original Jack Kirby Human Torch illustrations and putting them into motion like the 1967 Fantastic Four cartoon. To end my special effects gripes on a positive note, I do adore the tactility and texture of the rubber suit that The Fantastic Four crafts for The Thing (Suit actor/stuntman Carl Ciarfalio)

Visual limitations aside, The Fantastic Four is fairly faithful to the spirit of the Stan Lee and Jack Kirby comics with each team member’s superpowers connecting to their personalities. The use of character actors instead of movie stars gives the film a down-to-Earth feel. Also, Fantastic Four are portrayed as accidents and monsters not superheroes like in their initial appearances. One of my favorite sequences in the film is The Thing wandering off and being shunned by regular people, but finding companionship and worship by the Jeweler’s (A very creepy Ian Trigger) minions. It drives home the point that while Reed, Johnny Storm, and Sue Storm can live fairly normal lives with their abilities that Ben Grimm’s (Michael Bailey Smith) life has irreversibly changed. However, his connection to Alicia Masters (Kat Green) still roots him in humanity so he doesn’t fall into villainy and arguably is the most heroic character of all in the film. This heroism is set up earlier in the film when Grimm risks burns to rescue Victor Von Doom (Joseph Culp) from an experiment gone wrong.

Culp probably gives the strongest performance in the film in the dual role of Victor Von Doom and Dr. Doom. He goes from a weird, slightly off-putting college student to the ultimate supervillain even if his voice is muffled by the comic book accurate Dr. Doom suit. (Ciarfalio has this issue as Thing too, which messes with the timing of his one-liners.) Oley Sassone does a lot of money-saving extreme close-ups on Doom’s face, but Joseph Culp exudes real menace, especially when he finally decides to get his hands dirty. I also love the hints of Doom as manipulator like when he lets the Jeweler sabotage the diamond that powers Reed Richards’ ship instead of committing his men to the fray, and how he shrinks from humanity when Richards tries to appeal to their own friendship. It reminded me a lot of Obi Wan and Darth Vader in a good way, which makes sense because Doom and Darkseid may have influenced George Lucas’ creation of Darth Vader. In both the portrayals of Doom and the Jeweler (A less scientific Mole Man with just a drop of Puppet Master.), Sassone and screenwriters Craig J. Nevius and Kevin Rock embrace the classic comic book villain without any attempt at irony.

Speaking of screenwriting, it’s the rushed nature of The Fantastic Four‘s storyline that drops the film from “In-Between” into “Flop” territory. A la David Lynch’s Dune, if you’re not familiar with the Fantastic Four, a lot of the moments in the story can be confusing like why Reed Richards’ landlady’s children are on the test flight with him and Ben Grimm, or why Grimm is in love with a woman that he awkwardly bumped into once on a flight of stairs. The Fantastic Four has a 90 minute running time, which leads to establishing scenes getting cut especially with the film having two villains, a flashback with Richards and Von Doom in college, telling the team’s origin story, and featuring the marriage of Reed and Sue. Nevius and Rock definitely should have included a scene showing Johnny and Sue connecting to Reed’s work (Instead of one of him being super creepy to an underage Sue, played by Mercedes McNabb aka Harmony Kendall from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.), one setting up Dr. Doom’s whole deal in Latveria, and maybe Thing and Alicia Masters getting to know each other at the Jeweler’s place instead of skipping straight to “I love you”. There’s definitely a feeling that the screenwriters want to get to the cool highlights of the Fantastic Four’s early career without the connective tissue that make these moments so memorable. At least, they didn’t try to shoehorn Silver Surfer or Galactus in the film.

Featuring scrappy character actors instead of Hollywood stars, a shoe string special budget, and a real love for the classic Stan Lee and Jack Kirby Fantastic Four comics, The Fantastic Four unexpectedly charmed me, especially since I have a soft spot for unpolished B and Z-films. However, the film’s rushed pacing and some truly moronic plotting decisions as well as the creepiness of characters like Reed Richards and the Jeweler keep it from being something I would ever revisit. I do love the similarities in the characters’ suits in The Fantastic Four and Fantastic Four: First Steps.

Verdict: Flop