Wonder what the Avengers do when they’re not fighting crime? Avengers Assemble! is a humorous web series bringing us a sneak peak as to what happens behind the scenes. Here’s the third episode.
Tag Archives: oil
Captain America: Patriot #1
Jeff Mace – It was Independence Day all over again for the hard-working employees of the Morgan Shoe factory, when a new Masked Marvel defended their constitutional right of assembly. The workers had gathered peacefully to discuss factory safety when they were disrupted by an unruly gang who were itching for a fight.
Store owner – You are the terrorists, not me! You and your government!
Deadpool – Hey, don’t look at me– I haven’t voted since the Pepsi challenge!
Store owner – Then you are guilt of doing nothing!
Deadpool – … what!? Man, complex political discussions make my head hurt…
Amina – I guess what I mean to say is one baby is too many to see in a warzone. But that’s the reality. All over the world, in every conflict. Is it any different here in America? Should it be?
The Invincible Iron Man #30
Tony Stark – Tonight, while escorting a young lady home from the Stark Resilient Gala I was the victim of an assassination attempt by terrorists. Apparently someone doesn’t like that Stark Resilient is building you a tomorrow that’s free of dependency on fossil fuels. They found out the hard way you can’t kill Iron Man and you can’t keep American ingenuity down.
The Killer: Modus Vivendi #4
Killer – What do you think of all this shit in Venezuela?
Katia – The CIA helped those army sobs overthrow Chavez because he nationalized oil, but they didn’t expect that kind of reaction from the people, and they don’t know what to do. Shows times are changing.
Killer – How’s that?
Katia – A few years ago, they would’ve killed him right off, like Allende. They haven’t killed him yet; they’re not sure what step to take next. They’re afraid the whole region will rebel. That’s good. They can’t do what they want anymore.
The Royal Historian of Oz
Jasper Fizzle – I believe in it the way one believes in Santa Claus, or peace. It’s something that should exist as an ideal.
Avengers: The Children’s Crusade #1
Vision – They call themselves the Sons of the Serpent — a paramilitary sect devoted to maintaining racial and moral purity.
Patriot – They’re white supremacists.
Hawkeye – To be fair, they also hate gays and lesbians.
Patriot – And uppity women apparently.
Random bad guy – “As the serpent drove Adam and Eve from Eden… so shall we drive out the unfit — the inferior!”
Hulkling – You’re actually using the Bible to justify murder?
Random bad guy – What would you know about the Bible sodomite?
Brightest Day #5
Aquaman – They said it’d take weeks to find something that could withstand pressures at 5,000 feet so they could fix this leak. But they didn’t count on us, Mera.
Mera – The owners of this rig might be begging someone to clean up their reckless mess, but they won’t like our shutting down all their wells.
Aquaman – Too bad. They’re done drilling offshore. This fuel has done more damage than good to the world. It’s perpetuated war, greed and corruption.
Sparta U.S.A. #5
Narrator – Here in Sparta, we love our homes. “A Spartan’s home is his castle.” The great Ronald Reagan said that. If I’m remembering my American Patriots class right. Folks around here’d die defending their homes.
Wolverine – Hell. Just when things were looking up. Al Qaeda in San Francisco.
Young Allies #2
Reed Richards – … it would have been impossible to stop him from instantly committing a terroristic act of suicide.
Singularity – Personally, I’m appalled. I thought we were supposed to be more sophisticated than those savages across the ocean from us.
This one is making the rounds in response to the oil spill by British Petroleum. Don’t worry he’ll be back as a zombie. I wonder how the Sub-Mariner is holding up?
[via Aquaman Shrine]
Each week we bring you politically charged quotes from the previous week’s comics.
Vampire – I’ve nothing to do with your proletariat revolution, little man…
Liberty News – The longstanding preemptive war policy, commonly called “The Bush Doctrine,” while not originally designed to apply domestically, is now the de facto law of the land… “To defeat them in the purest military sense of the term.” is the soundbite on every pundits lips these recent days.
Iron Man: Legacy #1
Protester – From the same corporate spokes-liars who brought you “clean coal” and “safe nuclear power”… we now have Stark’s “arc reactor”… which some researchers say will create a black hole on Long Island the minute it’s turned on! Well we say this is America! We have the greatest energy system in the world!
Tony Stark – These mean were identified as mercenaries for the Eaglestar Corporation… hired by Americans for Energy Awareness the quote-unquote “grassroots” group that organizes today’s protests… which my investigators have found is funded by big oil lobbyists Matville & Carlin…
Tony Stark – … and we will not be scared away by, uh… phony “astroturf” organizations!